Trump’s tariff tantrum
April 3, 2025, 7:58 am , by Richard Lutz
The Prez sits down with our reporter Sir Howard Elston
Sir Howard: Hi, your Holiness, Great Thug of the West, I beg your indulgence and…
Don: Cash or card. No dough, no talk
SH: (shuffling through his wallet:): Let’s get to grips on Liberation Day
Don: I never saw her before in my life, your honour
SH: You’re taxing the world for making stuff at good prices
Don: Outrageous. We’re going to stop that. It’s not good for Americans to have access to the world’s output. It’s terrible that foreigners make things and sell them. Tariffs are our last defence. Or even defense.
SH: But that means Americans will pay more for food, utilities, cars… errrrr….guns
Don: They’ll be paying more for US stuff. That’s our freedom, our worldview, our destiny (starts biting very hard on an Oval Office carpet).
SH: And benefits will emerge?
Don: Immediately. Americans will see tariff upswing within the next century or two. Guaranteed..
SH: Mr Frump, always a pleasure to shit down and talk about the economy, Palestine, The Panama Canal, Canada, Greenland and your pals hiding in the woods carrying rocket launchers and wearing white hoods
Don (gnawing on red white and blue remnants of the carpet): You forgot the Ukraine and its invasion of Russia
SH: My apologies. It won’t happen again.
The president appears courtesy of Tesla Int’l
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Alan holland
Sir Howard excels himself.
PAUL GARCIA
I’m flying to London to buy my cheddar and Stilton
Maybe Gin
Maybe meade
Eileen Wright
Trump-land economics just don’t make sense
Dan Jeffries
Lord knows how it’s being Liberated?
Judy Smith
300% on Scottish haggis and bottled Irnbru
JG
Echoes of the podcast I listened to: ‘The Rest is Politics’. Funny if not so serious
Ed Burke
Much is being said about Musk spending $20 million in the Wisconsin judicial election. Without diminishing at all the dangers and wrongfulness of such behavior, I thought I might be interesting see how that amount relates to what an average American might contribute to an election.
So, a bit of simple arithmetic (the percentage of net worth the expenditure represents ) seems to show that if an average American contributed $37 that would be the same ratio.
Kaye McCormack
Very funny, SH
but also truly unfortunate
Lynn Ann Grieg
I guess you have to laugh or you’d cry! It’s beginning to feel like the mad-hatter’s (Boston?) tea party
Will Travel
What’s happening with the stock market and all related to tariffs is horrifying. But I’m not as upset about the market because I have hopes it will galvanize broader based and more effective opposition
Sarita H
Alex Davidson
It is with no regret that I have today imposed Mario’s of 43% on all good imported and exported from Milport and Ailsa Craig given the timely intervention of the Great Leader Trump of the 19th Hole.
There may be other actions I will take after a short visit to negotiate peace in our time in Munich which might include a boycott of Americana Country music and in particular sales of Jolene. I have already cancelled the two Tesla’s I have on order to buy a big mileage diesel golfing buggy, who’s I will make available when Sir Keir arranges the appeasement visit to Balmoral to allow Sir Donald to climb Lochnagar with recently nobles past Labour tradgedies.
Sir Herbert Gusset
Kilcreggan Care Home for former Guardian Readers.