Boris: exclusive sit down with Sir Howard Elston

September 8, 2022, 7:51 am , by Richard Lutz

Sir Howard Elston: So kind of you, Lord Boris, to have a chat and take a break from house hunting and taking care of the kids now that you’re resting. A quick word about your state of mind since you’ve been booted out of Downing Street

Bojo (sacked PM): I am bereft. I have nothing to look forward to except a $10 trillion book deal for my memoires, a grueling American college lecture tour at $150,000 a pop and weekly columns for The Telegraph, The Daily Mail and Breitbart News at $1000 per word…all of it in juicy buoyant Yankee dollars now that the pound has tanked under Miss Trust who’d been gearing up for months to knife me in the back and walk in my size eleven brogues

Sir Howard: A bleak future then Bozo, old bean…

Boris (sacked PM): No, no, no, Hazza, I am cosseted by my fourteen ex wives and the 28 children that I know of to give me succor. And there’s tv stations from Melbourne to LA drooling to buy my nightly chat show to be sold by Carrie Productions Intl. So, busy, busy busy and ready to roll in a bed of oven-ready dollar bills

Sir Howard: Bojo, always a pleasure for a shitdown with you

Boris (sacked PM): Of course, and remember to make Mr Cheque out in American greenbacks and the fuel vouchers made out to the Mrs.

Sir Howard: Thanks, Mr Ex PM, you’ve been a …

Boris (sacked PM): And as Julius Caesar exclaimed as he plucked Moses from his golden basket of reeds, I shall…

(Mr Johnson’s final words are garbled as studio technicians clock off and unplug the studio)