Sir Howard’s big question: Harry and Meghan

March 4, 2021, 2:17 pm , by newsroom

Sir Howard Elston, insider to the celebs, answers all queries.

Today’s question is from MML in Buckinghamshire: Hi Howard, here’s an idea: anyone in the royal family or who used to be in the royal family or anyone connected to the royal family just shut up about one another unless it’s to thank us for paying their wages. We pay you to show up, look smart and open something. That’s it.

Sir Howard responds: I think it best, MML from Buckinghamshire, to refer to excerpts from my latest scoop exclusive with Harry and Meghan. Here are vital excerpts:

Me: What’s the beef, Duchess, with the royals?

Meghan: I’m just treated as portable furniture. I’m not given full value. I mean, the queen has never even cared to watch Suits which has been shortlisted as the third most watched cable drama ever viewed in Ohio.

Me: Well, they are busy people. They own a whole country.

Harry: Not owned, Sir Howard, but held in trust in an offshore account. Be careful there.

Me: But you had it good.

Meghan: I was shunted from castle to castle, from palace to palace, forced to eat lobster and good beef and drink high class wine night after night. It was horrible.

Harry: And all we wanted was a little attic third bedroom in a parent’s semi in Watford and be able to drive a mid sized Mercedes like others.

Meghan: ….and hassled all the time to wear expensive jewels and wear exquisite clothes…appalling behaviour.

Me: Still sounds good to me, Megs.

Meghan: (sighs deeply like she did in Suits) We want to simply live off the taxpayer in a nice place like California.

Harry: Like, have our own life, hawking around our story day after day, year after year.

Meghan: Just like everyone else.

(The full Sir Howard interview will air on the same night as Oprah Winfrey’sconversation)