Trump: he gives the real facts (it says here..)*

March 24, 2024, 5:12 pm , by Richard Lutz

It’s a roller coaster week for Donald Trump. He has to find $175m for a court bond, (writes Sir Howard Elston). But he may also make billions on a dicey stock market deal. Here’s the Republican candidate’s take on the world:

Sir Howard: Hey, Don…so good to share time with you

Donald Trump: You mean five years in the pen with two off for good behaviour

SH: Something like that. Hey, first question, Donnie: What’s the scoop and poop on illegal immigration?

DT: The world is emptying its prisons and mental hospitals and sending inmates across our borders. That’s a fact

SH: No, Doug, it’s false. The Institute for Crime and Justice Policy Research says it has no idea where you dug up that ludicrous idea. Next question: your take on the energy crisis?

DT: America has more oil and gas than any country in the world. We have more than Russia, we have more than Saudi Arabia

SH: Ouch, a porker there, Dom. The US ranks 11th in the world for oil reserves and 4th in the world for gas reserves. Russia and Saudi Arabia have larger amounts. Now…the country’s tax structure?

DT: The tax cuts that I got Americans are the biggest tax cuts in history

SH: Bit of fiction, Dan. Actually, your cuts were the biggest  CORPORATE tax cuts in US history. They were the 8th largest overall tax cuts as a percentage of GDP. Let’s go to employment..are there jobs out there?

DT: Of course, but 100 per cent of all jobs created under Biden have gone to foreign-born workers..that’s a fact

SH: No, Damien, it’s a lie. The reality is during Biden’s term, 47 %, not 100%, of jobseekers going into Biden schemes for employment are foreign-born workers. Back to immigration and…

DT: Let’s get it right….millions and millions of people are pouring into our country, probably 15 or 16 million people

SH: Porkie-land again, Dave. Migrant arrivals under Biden’s administration are more like 6.3 million crossing  into the US illegally during his term. Now, over to the economy, Dwayne, and in good shape since you left Washington?

DT: It’s terrible. Under Biden, we have a three-year inflation rate of almost 50 per cent

SH: Hogwash, Darren. Under Sleepy Joe, cumulative inflation is around 18 per cent. Finally, your take on the November election?

DT: The polls are all rigged. Of course lately they have been rigged because I’m winning by so much. I always say it. Disregard that statement. I love the polls very much

SH: Huh? Someone get me a translation on that one. Last question, big week ahead. You gotta post $175m for a court appeal bond. But you get a 3 billion dollar stake for merging your media group with an off the shelf company that’ll let you list on the stock market. Good and bad news, Mr Ex-President who was voted out of office in disgrace after trying to steal the 2020 election

DT: All great news. The illegal Biden-inspired bond proves I’m a witch-hunt victim. And, as for the merger with my media group, well, it’s with Digital World Acquisition Corp. It’s a powerful company that is so powerfully important that it was illegally fined $18m to resolve fraud charges this summer. And in reality, my son and half the stooges in my White House administration are on the fantastic DWAC board, so I really still own it anyway. Look, I have to go..my corset is absolutely killing me (he abruptly leaves the studio)

*Extra info provided to Sir Howard by the Tortoisemedia website.