Social Media Shocker: Whatsupp on WhatsApp

SIR HOWARD ELSTON patrols the fulgent world of The Snitterfield Road chat group

Sue Generis: Can anyone help? Going bonkers over selfish car parked cross my drive as below: love yašŸ‘©ā€ā¤ļøā€šŸ‘© Suze

Anon: my other half tried a sharp key across the paintwork of a beemer

Greg: And….?

Anon: sixty hours community service

Margot: Margot Reynolds at 31A here. I’m 78 with that bad hip I’ve incessantly told the whole street about. Can anyone walk my Tush, a Bedlngton Terrier, twice a day?

Jerry14: Are Bedlingtons the ones that look like they got sledge hammered in the face?

Shaila: no, they’re like little lambie pies. Real QTs

Anon: if you’re blind

Freddie: Back to effin’ bloody parking. Got people cross my drive here on lower Snitterfield Rd. See below. Do I call the cops?


Allen: whoooooops, soz, I think the blue one’s mine

Sue Generis: You got nerve. I live up near The Duck Inn and on Fri night, it’s murder

(Sue Generis has left the group)

Jay-boy: Who’d ever drink at The Duck?

Ariana: Quackheads?

Green Sally: I’ve just lifted my geraniums. Anyone want ā€˜em?

Geoffrey: Gerania

Margot: Still no takers for my Tush???????🐶🐶🐶

Jamie: WOW….errrrr….Pardon…..musta misread that.

Alyce: Trade the gerania for my uplifted orlaya, didiscus and scabiosa

Jack T: Is scabiosa a plant or a skin complaint…

Monica: If you’d come and help once in a while, Jack, with the neighbourhood vegan herb garden for even an hour a week, I’d consider that borderline comment actually funny. But….

(Alyce left the group; ManU36 has joined)

Antoinette: Can I have dibs on the Community Trampoline for Roxy’s mixed gender sixth birthday party next Saturday.

Monica: it’s been used by the Intermediate Kundalini Yoga Co-operative til 11. I’ll check the neighbourhood spreadsheet for a slot after that.

Geoffrey: Hi again. My Eye in the Sky Drone Cam picked up 423 cars parked outside my drive (as below). We have to sort this out with Local Action. NOW!!

Jay-boy: Still dont know whod drink at The fā€&&###in Duck

Monica: As group moderator, we do prescribe to accepted language, Roger…and why call yourself Jay-boy? You sound like a 12 year old.

(Jay-boy has left the group, 0795553301 has joined)

Margot: my darling Tush is still up for grabs.

Jennie: Hi, I’ve just moved in to 39. I’ll help you out and walk Tush. Don’t mind, as I love dogs and, anyways, I will be putting out a kennel for my crossbreed pit bulls in the garden

Albert B. Hawkins from 105: what brainless cretin owns this? It’s slap bang in front of my drive

Harry3: I’m thinking of raising rabbits. Any advice????🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

@emms: Better boiled than than broiled

( 12 people have left the group)

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6 Comments

  1. Jan Oyebode
    5 December 2021 at 11:33 am

    Made me laugh on this fine morning

    Reply
  2. Russell Hall
    5 December 2021 at 12:04 pm

    Hilarious……if it wasn’t so close to the truth 🤣

    Reply
  3. Sarah Boniface
    5 December 2021 at 12:59 pm

    As ever, subtle taste the Sir Howard watchword.

    Reply
  4. ED
    5 December 2021 at 1:12 pm

    An audible chuckle here in Minnesota at 5am

    Reply
  5. Will Travel
    5 December 2021 at 4:01 pm

    One of Sir Howard’s best. Nice to see he can still poke one in the bleachers.

    Reply
  6. Kareem Haq
    7 December 2021 at 4:32 pm

    After attempting to understand this screed, I am now even more convinced that I will never engage with social media and that the 21st century is definitely not my scene.

    Reply

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